Please help me in my crusade of self-aggrandizement

The subject line of the email read: "Please help me in my crusade to beat breast cancer."

I'm sorry, but does a 10 km power-walk really qualify as a crusade? Or do they provide infidels for you to kill at each watering point? Why can't these people at least be honest? They're not going on that stupid bike/run/walk to beat cancer. They're doing it because they're lazy. Just like that supermodel who wouldn't get out of bed for less than $10,000, they can't get off their couch and away from the cheesy puffs for anything less than a cure for cancer.

One of my former acquaintances invited a few people over for wine and a movie. Then that huge tidal wave hit. Right away, she sent out an email saying she would be collecting $10 from each of us at her door, which she would then donate to a charity of her choice. As she wrote about the devastation (like she was the only one who had CNN), I could almost see the tear-drop stains on the email. But she wasn't crying over the plight of water-logged orphans; she was crying at her own nobility.

But guilting money from your friends and then donating it in your own name does not make you a Florence Nightingale.

I don't know. I remember at my old job, they had a jeans day, where you were allowed to wear jeans if you donated $5 to some breast cancer fund. (The company chose the cause and the fund. They probably got a tax write-off, too.) You also got a little pink pin to wear...because just like that ancient zen proverb, if no one knows you gave money to a worthy cause, then what was the point of giving?

So, everyone in the entire company shows up in jeans with their little pink pin, except me. My coworkers all looked at me as if I were pro-cancer. They never seemed to consider that maybe I was just anti-pin.