Hard-boiled consumer

I am not a cook, and I have the proof: a computerized egg boiler. My dad came home with it yesterday.

"It's a present for you."

"But boiling an egg is about the only thing I can do."

The purchase seemed to me extravagant -- and I'm the one who bought a telephone shaped like Darth Vader's head; it breathed lecherously whenever someone called (I think I bought it more for that effect than anything else).

"It also poaches eggs," my dad said.

"Oh, well...." I'd never tried poaching an egg. "Maybe it'll be worthwhile, then."

A couple hours later, I wandered back into the kitchen. My dad was standing over some black plastic pieces.

"I can't figure out how to put this together."

There were about six parts -- two weren't even depicted in the manual. I tried fitting them together. "You think this is how it goes?" Then the part that I had carefully balanced on another part toppled over.

"No, no, that can't be it." He assembled them in another way. When it toppled over again, I lost interest and wandered off.

This afternoon, I came home for lunch and saw the egg boiler, still disassembled.

"Have you tried using it, yet?"

"Yes, I used it to poach an egg. Now I have to wash it."

"How was it?"

"Well, it did a good job. But, I think I'll just poach my eggs the old way. It's less complicated."


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Note: I am not a Star Wars fan. I liked the original ones, but I've not seen the newer ones and I never will.