Me, at 13

This journal begins on the day when I left for Winnipeg by plane. For those of you who chance to read this and wish for more details I will tell you that I flew on a 727 on Air Canada. The flight lasted about two hours. Unfortunately I neglected timing it.

My parents and I drove in the old navy Volvo to O'Hare airport on a Saturday. I remember that we were all in a rush so that I would not miss the plane and rather grouchy at the start of our ride. Being in a rush tends to cause the members of my family to be grouchy. When we were nearing the airport our personalities took an upward lift so that I left them in good cheer, despite the fact that I was already homesick. I tend to get homesick in anticipation of leaving my family and then nearly forget about them the rest of the trip. That is quite hard-hearted of me to say, I usually feel sad every three days if they haven’t called me and as soon as they do I feel better for another three days.

After the plane was firmly on ground I relieved myself of the gnawing worry that I would be killed at the prime of my life in a crash. I sat waiting until the last group of people got into line to get off before I joined them. I still remembered saying good-bye to my parents and being pushed away from them until they disappeared as I turned a bend. When on the plane (I sat on the last row in a window seat), I waved outside for at least ten minutes hoping to catch a glimpse of my parents. I thought I saw them a few times and I might of because they said later that they were situated where I was facing. Getting back to leaving the plane, I was told to wait for a pudgy man who carried a walkie-talkie and wore ominous looking sunglasses. I waited in a hall until he came out pushing a baby carriage for the couple that had sat in the row before me. He led me down some stairs that I could have found easily myself I didn’t wait for him and had just followed the crowd. He left me at a doorway and on opening found myself in a large room where people were in some more lines. I got at the end of one and waited. The man before me asked for about the third time that day what my doll was called (I had to carry her because there was no room in my suitcase. That was embarrassing. I think the adults thought I was carrying it because I needed something to hold onto and be comforted by) and I replied automatically, “Annie” since it was commonly known as a raggedy Ann doll. Thereby he asked if I had seen the musical Annie, which I hadn’t and don’t intend to either.

I felt very distinguished wearing my brother’s glasses but after looking in a mirror I wore them as little as possible because it made my nose look big and my eyes small. That was very ugly.

After going through customs I went up to pick up my baggage. Somehow the sponge on the handle had disappeared so I had to wrap my kerchief around it so that my hand would not be ripped by the sharp edges. When I came out into the main area I saw my Aunt K. staring at me until she finally came up and said, actually asked, “Kellas?”

I nodded in agreement and she then told me that I hadn’t grown an inch. Since I last saw her two years ago I took that as an insult. At least she could have said how tall I was like my other relatives do even if it was probably lying. We were driven home by my cousin Leslie’s boyfriend and of course Leslie. On the ride home Aunt K. lavished them with thanks and gratitude on driving us to Lundar straight from Winnipeg. I was disappointed that I couldn’t look around before going to Aunt K.’s home in the country. I suppose I seemed a little sullen on the ride home because I kept wishing I was back home and was almost always on the verge of tears. I resigned myself to my fate by the time we were at Aunt K.’s and was set on having a good time.

I just remembered that Aunt K. was upset because the people at the airport didn’t let her come and get me. According to the airport, 13 is considered independent. That means I no longer have to say whether anyone is picking me up. I was a bit angry and relieved that Aunt K. didn’t come to get me because I got on very well by my lonesome. I wouldn’t have take so long if I didn’t have to wait for that eyeglass man with the walkie-talkie. The trouble is that Aunt K. treats me like a baby. I hate nothing more than that.

Aunt K.’s house used to be a school. There is a chalkboard on one wall with misc. things pinned up. Mostly they are scraps made by previous visitors. There is a red pump in the kitchen since she has no faucet. The outhouse is behind the house on the border of the weeds. When entering the outhouse a horrible stench envelopes you. At least there are not as many flies as when I was last here. Last time you couldn’t help but squash them when you walked because they lined the floor like a carpet, and flew out of the toilet when you opened it.

The ticks were awful. Aunt K. kept saying that they were not that bad this summer because she had only gotten four the whole summer and she had been in the grass where they nest almost all the time. I was relieved by this until I got five in two days and I had barely left the house. The only time I did was when Aunt K. asked if I wanted to go to the lake. I thought she meant the beach she had been talking of earlier so I said yes eagerly. We ended up walking through weeds up to my neck and then turned back before we even reached the lake. I had told her before I didn’t want to go there because last time I went I was loaded with ticks. Since I came from the L--s I have not gone out of the house except to go to the washroom and so far so good.

Aunt K. almost spoiled my whole trip. Somehow she got the idea that my mom wanted me not to sleep over at the L--s but visit for a day. She meant me to visit at the end of my trip. When I heard her talking on the phone to Mrs. L and saying I couldn’t go to the beach with them because Aunt K. couldn’t drive to Lundar I almost screamed. I had always gone to the beach with them whenever I was visiting them so I didn’t see how come I couldn’t this time. It seems that she misunderstood my mom (Aunt K. misunderstands a lot of things) and that I was allowed to go. After a lot of begging and straightening things out I went. Mrs. L-J and Rebecca and Rachel met me at the bus depot. I talked with a nice old lady who shared my bus seat. Rachel has braces and otherwise looks the same. Later on in my visit she got a haircut that made her look totally different. Everyone is the same almost. Kristin has just as loud a voice and Rebecca is the same. I had made up my mind to have a good time so I wasn’t shy. Rebecca and I took a walk through the park that evening. At the lake we had a nice time. We played cards and swam. Rebecca couldn’t go in the water because she had a sore back and couldn’t touch cold water with it.

We went to the Manitoba desert. It was really fun. After that we went to the art gallery to see a movie, “Rhapsody in Blue” which was about George Gershwin. The next morning I was going to leave. Rebecca and I were sleeping downstairs when we heard the doorbell. We rushed up because we thought it was my Aunt K. It was just the mailman. We stayed awake and were just going to have some French toast when my Aunt K. phoned. We went and picked her up at the bus depot and then went back home to eat our toast. Then the L-J drove us downtown. After saying good-bye we went shopping. I bought two small crystal vases for my mom plus a Bashevis book. For my dad I bought a double record of Gershwin’s songs. Aunt K. bought me a pen which ran out of ink the next day. I bought myself some books and then we walked around until 5:30 when we caught the bus. Yesterday, July 8, Aunt K. took me to a bingo game. Another girl, Carla, was there. My Aunt K. knew her mother and since Carla is just a few months younger than me we decided to go swimming some time. A very dignified lady, whom I instantly liked, talked to Aunt K. It turned out to be her neighbour.

Aunt K. and I both had three cards. We played the full 23 games and never won a thing. Some people bought 20, like the old woman with the fuzzy hair and overbite who sat by us, and never won a thing. That made me feel better.

On Sunday I helped Aunt K. clean her car. She’s getting it all fixed up because she got a notice in the mail that her car was going to be inspected on August 2. Later that day I asked if she had a tape recorded. She searched for a long while until I found it with some books. Then she went into a spaz as she tried to rewind the tape. She finally got it.

On Monday, which was yesterday, I went over with Aunt K. to the Miller’s. I was going to learn how to use the small tractor so I could mow Aunt K’s lawn. Mr. Miller showed me how to start it and then said that I could try it around the yard. I went up the driveway and on looking back found that Mr. Miller had disappeared. I then found that I didn’t know how to stop it or reverse it so I could get back to the house. I finally turned around onto the grass and went over some loose logs. I was sure I was going to crash but I finally made it to the place where I began. I drove around until Mr. Miller appeared and told me how to stop. I was then on my way. I drove a little and then asked how to get to Aunt K’s. He told me and then I drove a little more and then stopped to ask what side of the road to drive on. I finally got going. I mowed the whole lawn while Mr. Miller cut hay on the wild grass and Aunt K used the hand mower to go around the trees. That evening I drove the tractor back to where it belonged with Aunt K in her car behind me. We stayed there awhile and tried some of my music on the pump organ. I was rocking back and forth trying to push down hard enough on the pedals.

Some neighbors dropped in while we were there and talked awhile. When the topic got to weeds Aunt K spoke up “You should see my garden.” Mrs. Chrisp glanced over at her and nodded very coolly and tugged at her cigarette. No one else paid any heed to her. When the subject got to dry land Aunt K said, “You should see the big cracks in my garden.” Again Mrs. Chrisp looked at her and nodded and smoked her cigarette.

This morning I washed my hair. In the water there were things floating around so I fished them out. Aunt K stood watching awhile until she left saying, “You’re too damn fussy. If that is the worst thing that’ll ever happen to you you’ll be lucky.”

When she got back with a sift I calmly told her that I didn’t need a sift because the water was clean now and that worse things have already happened to me so I wasn’t lucky. I also said that nothing was wrong with cleaning the water that you are going to wash with. Aunt K said a few days ago that she couldn’t understand people who swore and now she is doing it.

That night I heard a mosquito buzzing above me so I called Aunt K to get it. I was half asleep when she came so she sat down and woke me up by telling me all the misc. things that had happened to her during her life. I kept trying to go back to sleep but it wasn’t possible. I kept saying yeses and no’s until I didn’t say anything. She was quiet for awhile and then started talking again. Finally she told me that it probably flew into her bedroom and awoke me completely by pounding me on the back in supposedly friendly manner. This morning she said that it had chomped her and she had killed her. I asked her about her theory that buzzing mosquitoes don’t bit and she said that this was an exception.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Today is the 10^th. That means I only have about nine days left to spend in Manitoba. Aunt K keeps going on about the chimney people not showing up to excuse herself from taking me anywhere. I know it isn’t her fault about the chimney but I get tired of hearing about it. I wish she had got it done before I had come because I’m stuck in her house now and there is nothing to do. Other than that I’m having a nice time.

This girl from Edmonton wants to go swimming at the pool in Lundar with me. Aunt K knows her grandmother I think so that’s how I met her. She was at the Bingo game and had come over to where I was and we exchanged some talk until she went back to her seat. She is sort of pudgy and I can’t recall her face at all. I do know she has brown hair.

Aunt K’s neighbors were at the table beside ours. One of the neighbors was old, she didn’t give the appearance of being old somehow although she was missing some teeth and had dark grey hair. She looked very distinguished and had an English accent. She wore a bright orange sweater. Her daughter sat beside her. She reminded me of a chipmunk because her cheeks bulged out as if she had stored some nuts in them. She was very nice also. It turned out that she has a thirteen year old daughter who is in BC visiting some cousins. The daughter is coming back on the 19^th. When I told her that I was thirteen also she said in a surprised tone, “You are?” She sounded disappointed when she heard that I was leaving on the 19^th. She told me that I would have to visit them next summer if I come.

At the Bingo game some people bought more than 20 cards and never won a thing. An old lady sitting beside us did that. She had fuzzy grey hair and a face wrinkled like a prune. She had an under bite so that it looked as if she had no upper lip. She, like most of the other people at the game, spent about 15 dollars on fifty cent game pieces. The idea was to have three of one kind of fruit so that one could win. No one ever won and there were heaps of tickets in the garbage and on the tables. I bet that the makers of the pieces feel good. I certainly would with all that money coming in. I’m glad I didn’t buy one.

I tried diet pepsi and didn’t finish it because it tasted disgusting. At least I’ll never buy it again.

When I was at the L--s I had a fabulous time. The only problem was that Mr. L kept saying how dangerous it is in the U.S. I kept on saying that it was just as safe as in Canada. I don’t think my message went through. Just today I heard about a police officer being charged for murder because he had hacked up his brother-in-law, and there are all sorts of robberies in Tuxedo.

I saw Mrs. Dawson while at Rebecca’s. She hasn’t changed a bit. Her youngest daughter is looking just like Kay did, although I think she might turn out better.

Aunt K and I are always arguing. I sometimes talk to myself and I don’t mean anyone else to hear so I mutter the words. Then she asks “What” and I say, “Nothing,” and then she says, “I hate it when people say nothing after someone asks them to repeat it. It is very rude.” Then I say that it is not worth repeating. There are a dozen more things that we argue about but they are so insignificant that I won’t repeat them except our argument on books. I finished all my books and so I said that I wished I had bought some more. (I am being interrupted at this moment to discuss the subject of books with Aunt K.) She then got mad because I didn’t read any of the ones around here. I don’t read them because they are mainly Harlequins and nature books, such as “That Quail Robert.” I detest that kind of book.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am having a good time despite all my words. It is very interesting to live here. I think the problem is that I’m staying too long of a time. It is almost funny to remember how stupid our conversations are. I am learning how to sew and play cards. The problem with sewing is that I only like doing hems and things like that, but not cutting and gathering and pleating. I could do without that. When one comes down to it, one could say that making empty five inch pillows are one of my favourite things.

Rachel has braces now, or did I tell you that? They are building a new Safeway right by the old one. It is modernish and made of brown brick. It looks much better.

I find that writing letters to you is much easier than keeping a journal. I have recorded everything since my visit but I skipped some days because I didn’t do anything except read, nibble food, and sleep.

I found out what being insane feels like. It was the middle of the night and I was awaken by the buzzing of a mosquito. I heard it all night. Sometimes it wasn’t very loud but I stayed awake wondering if I was imagining it and then it would dive in closer and I would slap my hand against my ear. That was when I felt that I was mad because I heard it louder than ever and the noise would reach really high notes and then plummet down to low notes. I felt that it was in my head but I wouldn’t move to the couch because I knew it would follow me there. I felt I was in the same situation Snitter was in in the Plague Dogs because he kept thinking there were flies buzzing around inside of his head. I am happy to tell you that I survived.

I am also happy to tell you I haven’t had one tick since I came from the Ls. I probably just jinxed myself by saying that.

The cows in the neighboring farm bellow as if they are being murdered. This morning Aunt K said she was awaken by one of the cows because it was in the yard. That was before you called.

Aunt K bought me a nice pen with the letter “K” dangling from it. The next day it ran out of ink