Vibe control

Last night, a puffy, Steven Seagal look-alike stopped me enroute from the wine table and said his friend really wanted to meet me. He gestured at the short, old man standing next to him, who grinned at me with great verve.

"He's really rich," Seagal said.

"Does that mean he has no other qualities?"

"And he's a lot of fun." Seagal sped off. So I was left there, paired off with my nameless, ancient admirer, who didn't seem inclined to speak.

"So...." I said. He nodded enthusiastically. I couldn't think of a follow-up, though. I was mesmerized by his Chicklet teeth. Perhaps he was grinning only because he couldn't close his lips. The way his hair clumped together in three or four thick, solid strands across his balding head made me think of sea kelp.

"Do you like surfing?"

He shook his head, still grinning. I grinned back at him.

"I'm from New Jersey," he said at last. "I moved here for the weather."

"Aahh.... I've never been to New Jersey." The silence took over again, until Edwin wandered into my reach and I yanked him over.

"Edwin, this is some rich guy."

Edwin shook his hand. "Nice to meet you." Then all three of us were silent, smiling like maniacs at each other.

Finally, I devised a cunning plan. "I have to go to the bathroom. Excuse me." When I returned, I went straight back to the wine table for a refill. Every time I looked over at the old man, he was staring at me, grinning. So as not to be rude, I smiled back.

"So, you two seemed to really hit it off," Edwin said.

"What? Are you kidding?"

"No, you were totally vibing."

"I was not vibing. I was just trying to think of a polite way to leave him."

"Well, it sure looked like you were vibing to me. I mean, you didn't have your arms crossed, like you do now." I uncrossed them immediately. "You were standing at him like this." Edwin posed wide-eyed and open armed, kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. "And you were smiling at him. You looked really happy. I mean, I've never seen you smile so much."